Our strip has two lines, we're pregnant!

One of the many things I love about Gladney is the fact that they have conference calls to let everyone in process know what is going on, stats, etc. It's a nice way to prepare for what to expect, to know what has changed, and just where you are in the process. Today they had guest speakers!

So if you've ever felt frustrated by an adoption read on...

A family that had previously adopted spoke, and while a lot of it was geared more to those that have never adopted, I found one thing that was said particularly interesting. The adoptive mom spoke of someone sharing boundaries with her. She (the adoptive mom) mentioned that at first she felt like she had to be happy all of the time because she was adopting and adoption is a happy journey, right? But then that friend mentioned that it was okay not to feel okay about the adoption all of the time and that she didn't always be happy about everything. That she didn't have to go to her friends baby showers if it hurt too much to go to them! That it was okay she couldn't always talk about the adoption because at times she was just functioning to get by and talking about it wasn't something she could handle that day. She said there were also times she wanted and needed to talk about adoption but those days when you've been on the wait list for MORE than the time fame you've been previously given, it's hard. Or things like family additions while your waiting for your little one and just not sure if that child will ever come. Listening to her I could relate 1000 times over. It's so true. Adoption is the biggest roller coaster and was SO much harder emotionally then having my biological child. In fact, after having Cole, David and I talked a while before we decided to adopt again because HAVING a baby is easier. It is less of wait, WAY less paperwork, people see you physically changing and act differently toward you, it's WAYYYY cheaper, etc. There are many factors. With an adoption it isn't always that way.

Some background about us: We wanted to adopt first, then have a biological. But, toward the end of Nataga's adoption one doctor, told us we couldn't have children. He was going off the fact that we were adopting and made dumb conclusions that I later found were untrue when I became pregnant with my biological son. But even at that time, knowing that we couldn't have a biological child (don't get me wrong, certain aspects of the thought hurt/stung badly) was fine, we were more than happy adopting.

Back to Nataga's adoption and our wait- Something that really stands out for me is that I remember seeing others given gifts for mothers day when they were pregnant and I was waiting for our first son, paper pregnant and at the time and we didn't know if we could have a biological child or not.  It was hard to sit there and witness that, to be left out. It was their mothers day just as it was my mothers day. We were both expectant of a child, just in different ways. It was hard to hear and see other people who were pregnant and had got pregnant long after we'd started our process. They had either delivered their children or were due any time. I remember feeling like I had to be 100% happy about everything. Don't get me wrong, I was really happy for them, but it doesn't mean that I wasn't feeling tons of pain at the same time. They now had their child and we were left waiting. It wasn't easy to see them with their child and I longed for the day I could hold mine and love him. There are many people who do not understand the feeling of being left behind and not being able to physically have children, to physically hold the children/feel the children inside your stomach, etc. You feel so empty without them as you wait. It's so hard to know that they are in another country and you just hope that they are okay. I felt so many emotions and just hoped our baby was okay. I think that is one of the hardest thing is being worlds apart and not knowing. Once we got our referral it wasn't smooth sailing either. There was a time I completely gave up as it looked like he wasn't going to pass court. I remember getting a call after weeks of being told "tomorrow". I had prepped myself to believe he wasn't going to pass because the pain of hearing "tomorrow" and the fact that "tomorrow" wasn't happening killed me emotionally. When she said he was ours I didn't believe it. In fact I didn't even believe it when we were in Ethiopia seeing him for the first time. I was fearful that something might take him away from us, it was too good to be true and I didn't want anything to separate our precious boy from us. Once in America, I started believing it was happening but it took a while. It's amazing the emotions you can go through and what that does to your thoughts. I've loved every moment with our son. Even as I have tried to potty train him today, and found him messing all over the floor, I still find myself looking at him with so much love and wonder and feeling so grateful to have him in our lives. I love that little boy 100000... times over. He's our gift from God and was worth every painful moment as much as every joyful moment. He amazes me daily and I love both boys more than I ever dreamed possible. I feel so lucky in love with them!

  As we start this new adoption, I'm comforted by the fact that I have two boys to keep me busy and distracted. I love them and am enjoying the moments I get with each of them as I know those moments will never be here again. Yet I can already see the past repeating itself in certain ways. There are people in my life who just got pregnant. Listening to them talk and almost brag about the fact that they are having a baby I realize not everyone understands what this is about. It isn't a competition. We chose to adopt again, for many reasons. One we want more children in our family, another is that there are millions of children without parents. We want to help bring one more to our family. It changes their lives, it'll change our lives, and that is something that you can't put any amount of money on. You can't explain to other people who don't understand adoption what helping one child does for them and you. Adoption is a miracle. Something that is worth the wait, every exciting and painful moment. We know we are stepping into a territory that not all understand but we step in with confidence in God, with hope, love, and excitement. Our strip has two lines, we too are pregnant. Our wait is at least that of an Elephants. Good things come to those who wait. We will wait upon the Lord, confident and happy. We've done this once and know the endless joys that come from being an adoptive parent, we're so happy to do this twice!

To those of you who are also waiting, know that there are many out there who feel your pain & who understand your frustration when you hear "it'll be worth it once you get your child". Of course it will, and is. Those labor pains you are experiencing are worth it once you see your baby's face but while you feel the contractions of the wait sit back and enjoy the moments you have. Before long your child will be with you and you'll be writing the blog talking about your journey!